Today is another sad day going to bed with tears in my eyes. Laying next to Jayden and feeling like he’s the only reason why I’m still here. I just have to keep praying to God that it will get better. I feel like I’ve lost everyone in my life. I have to build the mental strength so that I can stay strong for my son. I need to put love into my own heart and stop expecting others to love me. I want my son to know how much I love him. And without him, I wouldn’t know what it means to feel so loved for just me and only me. I feel like I could be a better mother and a better person.
All I have left is whatever words I can put together on this blog that no one reads. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to disappear; feeling like I’ll never be accepted for who I am. I’m always doing something wrong. And I’m always disappointing someone.
Like I said… I don’t know where else to turn to except hug my kid close to me and pray we will be okay.